343's Spartan Points Buys You The Dumbest In Game Content After Hours Of Grind

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​So, 343 Industries decided to grace us with the introduction of Spartan Points, a new currency that promises to unlock the gates to a treasure trove of customization options. But let's be real here, folks - the road to Spartan greatness is paved with the tears of wallets everywhere.

First off, let's talk about the "Citron White" and "Platinum Marigold" skins, which cost a whopping 7,500 Spartan Points each. I mean, who wouldn't want to look like a lemon-flavored M&M or a banana that's been left out in the sun too long? At least we'll be easy to spot on the battlefield - enemies will be too busy laughing to shoot us.

And then there's the "Needle Minder," a proud addition to the collection at a mere 6,000 Spartan Points. Because nothing screams "badass Spartan warrior" like a glorified sewing kit attached to your armor. I can just imagine the epic battles we'll win with our superior needle-threading skills.

But wait, there's more! For a mere 5,000 Spartan Points, you can acquire "The Entropy of Spring," a weapon attachment that looks like it was designed by a botanist on a bad acid trip. I'm all for embracing the beauty of nature, but I think we can all agree that adding a bouquet of flowers to our guns won't exactly strike fear into the hearts of our enemies.

And let's not forget the "Blue Team" and "A Banana" attachments, both available for the low, low price of 3,750 Spartan Points each. I'm not sure what's more ridiculous - the fact that we can now have a miniature Blue Team following us around like a group of lost puppies, or that we can attach a banana to our armor for reasons I'm still trying to wrap my head around. I guess it's a good thing we have the "Free Hugs" attachment (2,250 Spartan Points) to console us after spending all those points on these questionable choices.

While 343 Industries has certainly given us a lot to laugh about with these new Spartan Point offerings, it's hard not to feel a little pang of disappointment. The road to Spartan greatness may be paved with good intentions, but it's also littered with banana peels and flower petals.

But hey, at least we can all take solace in the fact that we'll be the most fashionable (and ridiculous) Spartans on the battlefield. Until next time, keep your Spartan Points close and your sense of humor closer. Grok out.